Emotional Cheating vs Friendship


Yes	No	1.	Do you confide more to your friend than to your partner about how your day went?
Yes	No	2.	Do you discuss negative feelings or intimate details about your marriage with your friend but not with your partner?
Yes	No	3.	Are you open with your partner about the extent of your involvement with your friend?
Yes	No	4.	Would you feel comfortable if your partner heard your conversation with your friend?
Yes	No	5.	Would you feel comfortable if your partner saw a videotape of your meetings?

Yes	No	6.	Are you aware of sexual tensions in this friendship?
Yes	No	7.	Do you and your friend touch differently when you’re alone than in front of others?
Yes	No	8.	Are you in love with your friend?

Scoring Key: You get one point each for yes to questions 1, 2, 6, 7, 8, and one point each for no to 3, 4, 5. If you scored near 0, this is just a friendship. If you scored 3 or more, you may not be “just friends.” If you scored 7–8, you are definitely involved in an emotional affair.

Attraction is one of the most dependable constants of our lives. We meet good-looking, dynamic, smart people at work, at class reunions, in restaurants, and on the Internet. As electrically charged beings, we continually respond to the positive charges of others. It doesn’t matter whether we are happily married. In the moment of attraction, we are fully alive to the possibilities of potential intimacy. What is it that allows some individuals to resist the temptation of attraction while others give in to it? The answer lies in the complex interweaving of opportunity, vulnerability, commitment, and values. As psychiatrist Frank Pittman says, “Being in love doesn’t protect people from lust.”³ Certainly, the circumstances have to be favorable. You have to meet someone who attracts you when you have the opportunity and the inclination to pursue it. It’s worth noting, however, that many people who don’t have time for marriage still manage to find time for an affair.